- mindless dribble -

my sister is married. finally.
the day of our nasty first snow storm - she is in punta cana.
what do you do when something that consumed your life for the last 5 months is done?
what now?
I kinda feel like i have nothing to do now - that my time is wasted.
that no matter what i do - it pales in comparison. hmmmm.
i should definetly busy myself with something.
any suggestions?

here she is - with my neice

Remember waaay back in august - when we had the killer storm that actually broke finch ave?
Well, the basement flooded. My basement flooded. My bedroom-basement flooded.
So, since August I have had no bedroom.

I thought I could do it - but like 3 months later -
I've lost it. I have clothes in 3 different closets - and the rest in like 4 baskets in
my mom's room.

My purses (my obsession) have been moved from their own cushy closet to a
cramped container that doesn't close properly. Dom thinks it's a sickness -
I think it's sick not to have a sickness.

So the basement is finally ready to paint - and then can be moved into - wanna know
the kicker??
**I AM NOT THE ONE MOVING IN!**

My sister and soon to be brother-in-law are taking it over as their "newlywed love nest".

I get the the smallest room in the house - which is climate controlled by the attatched attic.
Freezing in the winter - sweltering in the summer.

Just as an added kick in the pants - I asked my bro-n-law to cover all ny shelves - which he didnt
so now all my stuff has plaster/drywall dust all over it.

Argh.

Well, they are painting tonight - so I'll have a bedroom before the weekend.

-Sigh-

why is it that when we feel so strongly about someone - that's when we decide to be more timid?
why can't we just say it? fear of hurting someone? fear of hurting yourself? Or manybe it's just a fear that once you've crossed that boundary - you actually have to move on...
Why is it so hard to for our minds to forget something? The harder you try the more it's in your face - and when its not on your mind - its in your surroundings - the smell of pillows in the morning - the way someone looks in a sweater - the feel of someone's skin against your finger tips?
Why is it the more you want to forget - the more you dwell?
Why is it that no matter how tired you are - you still won't fall asleep until 2 a.m.? - on top of that you still wake up at 8? - just sleep - so simple - so hard
Why is it that rambling on and on about nothing actually feels therapeutic?
Why do I have the urge to delete this - although I know I'm going to post it?
How predictable.

Wow - need to vent. There is 15 days left until my sisters wedding - and I don't have a speech! What good is a maid of honor without a speech?? How do you say what you feel without spilling your guts about every lil detail to people you propbably only see at weddings?! So - still very frazzzled - but at least I have a car now! So I can drive myself insane.
CHECKLIST

Need to wrap 150 wedding gifts - not done
Need to get my dress altered - one more time! - not done
Need to find a nice antique gold purse to match shoes - any ideas? - not done
Need to find jewelry - i cant afford - not done
Need to finish seating arrangments - not even close
Need to remind Nad to get her marriage licence - or whats the point!
Need to pick up Dom's tux - argh - you know I'm going to end up paying for it
Need to book a floor at Dodge Suites - so we can party hardy - not done

With all this wedding fuss it's really made me appreciate all the work that goes into one - and it's made me realize that a beach in Aruba is fine with me....

Wow,
It has been a really long time since I have been on here.
Maybe too long.
Ifind it very therapeutic, and trust me I need it!
You can definetly see moreof me on here, unfortunatly, work is done and I need to get my ass home.
*sigh*
It's home time, and I have a date with my neice!
Love it.

hate smoking dumaurier when im a belmont gurl

pretty bored
we bought my mom a house cleaning so i get stuck here while the maid is cleanin, and let me tell you, it aint that fun i cant complain too much, clothes in my room are finally in their drawers!! got caught up on my internet banking..and i finally bought dom his present!!!! now hopefully it'll get here b4 the 30th...it says 7 days...but i dunno theres 17 days til his bday so im hopin that it gets here..cuz then i wont have squat to give...cept maybe a cheep dinner out anywho, my seesters baby shower is on sunday, its a surprise...its gonna be wicked...we have all these games planned, and i think it should be a good time...as long as it dont rain! argh! maid needs to clean this room....
byyyyeeeeeee

I'm in class, and I can't stop tha fuckin coughin, i wanna rip out mah throat!!! Anywho, once again, worst reading week ever! I can't even begin to tell you how awful this fuckin week was, it was so bad id rather have fuckin classes! im in my magazine class and let me tell ya, i did not miss this class...and i did not miss school and hardly missed any of the people i go to school with. I wonder if the have BA, fuckin buckley's anonymous, b/c im fuckin addicted! i cant stop, i need it so i can fuckin function. i have also noticed that my trucker mouth has increased by a whole 200%, aaaaagh.
i dont feek like writing anymore, even that is hurting my throat
later

i just wanted to say how much i love this song, never heard of it you say? well d/l it you'll be pleasantly surprised
that is all
nite

damn! its been quite awhile. Ive been super busy with skewl, the contemplation of droppin out, work and other work
today is valentine's day! so happy to you who celebrate it Im home tonight cuz i gotta work super early tomorrow, so thats my excuse and im ma stick with it So...whutchu up to on this 14 of february? remember being in elementary skewl and not knowing how to spell f-e-b-r-u-a-r-y? i spelt it wrong on purpose..ooooh bad ass!yeeeeeaaaaaaaaah
well i dont have much to say cept
*IM GOIN TO TAPROOOT!! WOO HOO!! JUSS WANNA SAY MOFOS!**
k im done
nitey nite and let the bed bug bites [no typo, i said let]

ugh...i hate bein bored and not bein able to sleep, especially when you know that you got class in tha mornin! im watchin this commercial for avril lavigne on muchmusic, and shes talkin about a personal shopper, id like to bitch slap that attitudey lil bitch from napanee, its like, your a star, be lucky you got yo trailer park ass outta your job at mcdonalds. i would looooovvve to have a personal shopper! id be like, those shoes, that belt...and charge it! [remember tha flintstones?] anywho...i should be reading about aristotle...but...eh..gotta love philosophy of love n sex. im tryin to determine what tha fuck im goin to do wit mahself when im done journalism..which is next year?! aw fuck, im too immature to graduate, whats a gal to do
**OHHHH i saw dharmz downtown today..and she did tha good ol' GIIIAAAANNNNNIIINNNAAA!! makes me feel great cuz everyones starin at us, and its like, yah im special, no one screamed out yo name heh heh
anywho
its bed time,
im goin to quote the fat ass extroidinaire,
-stay frosty-

i am in my mag class, and for some reason, i am just not into school today...i dont wanna be here, i dont wanna work, im freeekin booored and i need a vacation...already im so bored i cant even babble..i need to talk and i cant! and on top of that my foot is fallin asleeep! its hurts! anywho, i watched the superbowlhalf time show, it was great! gwen rocked!! and shania looked great too, i think that the duo with sting was awesome! i actually watched football, just to see tha half time show, hee hee well, i think class is actually goin to start now, so gots ta go
later

floating high.feeling good.burst my bubble.forever falling.drowning in the sour mess of me. why cant you let me be? climb the ladder.cut my rungs.falling into the darkness of me.why cant you just let me be? soaring through the bright sky.look down, cant get back up.staring at the emptiness of me.why cant you just let me be?why cant you just let me be?

uhh...yah

im watching passions, and i cant change the channel! its so retarded, ive watched 3 days in a row and there has been lil to no progress, but yet here i am watchin away...anywho, i have this tv script to write, and i havent done it yet and it was due last monday, i think i should get up off my lazy ass and get werkin! maybe when passions is done.. heh heh i went to tha store like an idiot..and froze mah ass off!! i couldnt feel my thighs! who knew somethin so big could get frozen! ahaha and once again this is why im a geek! i have to get back into my pilates groove, i felt so good doin it and i havent done it in awhile, and i need to havent you ever wanted to do something so bad, and you could but you just didnt? and its like why is this so hard? your not doing anything anyway! im goin to do my tv script and then my pilates
so see ya!

i cant sleep im fuckin bored, and lil things are pissin me off about someone...dont even wanna say who or i have to get into tha whole shpiel and i dont wanna i have my gen ed tomorrow and i dont feel like goin so i dont think i will..who needs it? ugh im so anti school its not even funny the only thing im not against is sleep, i wish it was an olympik sport, cuz i would be amazin! but yah..maybe ill have a smoke n go to sleep
so see ya

im in class..and its like not even 10 yet, i reallu hate waking up in the morning, but nevertheless i am awake! have no idea what is goin on in class today cuz i kinda slept thru last weeks...but oh well did anyone watch tha game yesterday? it kinda sucked! like the new goalie, slipped and ended up flukin a save it was retarded, and the game was so slow up until the third period, and we lost anyway! argh! but mogolny beat someones ass good! moving along...i have to do some school work...ick! makin a news report...booooring! anywho
later

heres tha situation, my retarded lil sister broke the blinds in our bedroom, i cant sleep with light on my face, so i woke up because someone called, and now i cant get back to sleep aargh! and its my day offf! i should be asllleeeeep i guess i just woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, even though my bed faces a wall, you get what i mean. im just goin to soak away my tension in a nice long bubble bath, i mean what else can i really do? the satillite is down, so i cant watch old movies, although i did watch a league of their own yesterdaym jeebus that movie rocks! im in the mood for a change and all i can afford is gettin my nails done, so looks like thats what im up to today...how pathetik, im 20 and i get a thrill from new fake nails...ick im a loseer
anywho, thats about all i got for now...so later

soooo bored...i know i just posted...but im still up with nothin to do. im watchin the aalyiah diary, so sad that shes dead.ah well. talkin to drunk emily, just chillin. i started reading the divine secrets of tha ya ya sisterhood, im on like page 20 and its soo much different from the movie. I hate that, i wish i woulda read the book first, but i guess i didnt think id like tha movie that much, and i sooo recommend that you watch it. i slept from like 3 til 7 and now i cant sleeep! argh. i think i have some fuct up sleep.disorder, which i guess would explain a lot considering my fuct up mental state blah blah..i dont feel like stoppin tha writin, but im runnin outta things to say. but i guess thats the idea of a live journal to ramble on and on, and believe me i can do it. but im going to be considerate of others, cuz hopefullie someone is goin to read this tripe...so i believe thats it.for real this time
nite

my sister just got home from miami, she went for the weekend! ugh so jealous...but its fine, she bought me a carton of light marlies, and these wicked cool jelly bracelet watches. [matter of fakt, im havin a marliie right now mmmmm.] anywho, went out for coffee with daniel.tiz.ang.and mike. fun fun fun, was a lil coffee cuz i was all excited cuz nad came home..hence the giddyness tomorrow is my day off! hurrrraaay! supposed to go see lard of tha rings2 but stoopit boys, who knows? **I HAVE TO THANKS DHARMZ FOR THA CODE TO START UP MAH LJ*** and we are so havin tha lj party, hee hee well its like oneoclock, and i dont know what else to write..so i guess im just about done =)
nite